Word jokes

1)
Once upon a time there is 2 island very near each other. In between these 2 island there is alot of crocodile. Then a batch monkey on island A wanna cross to island B cos island A got no food no have anything left and island B got alot of fruits. It is totally impossible to cross la. Can u guess how the monkey king going to get his troops across.

Ans: If u such a big clever monkey cant think of a proper answer how can the monkey know how to cross.


2)
A guy was caught at geylang by TP for not stopping when the traffic light is red.
when ask he say he got follow the rules. guess wad he say.

Ans: Mr TP. Traffic light Yellow mean those going yellow river de can go like kallang. then green de for those going forest de like bukit timah. Then Traffice light red mean red light district can go, i going find "chicken" so of cos can go la.


3)
Guess wad the TP reply.

Ans: Ok So now i going to gif u a summon ticket to make sure u are FINE(fine there is 2 mean)


4)
A man got 2 wifes. Then his fren ask him how he manage his wife night time. So he say, wife A mon wed fri, wife B tue thur sat. And curious his fren ask wad abt sun ?? both ??
Guess wad the man reply.

Ans: Sunday is Hand day.


5)
Once there is a student who loves to toks alot making the teacher very angry, then the teacher say from tml onwards i will tape ur mouth for good. So tml u better bring a tape for me, i am not going to waste my money on u.
The following day, the student happily hands the tape to the teacher... the teacher go -_-''' and faint.
Why?

Ans: The student brought the teacher a cassette tape.


6)
Found this on net
It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I will never get a lawyer!"


7)
A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually still alive. She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"