funny quotes

haha i found some very nice funny quotes haha shall share wif ya....

1)
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


2)
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.


3)
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.


4)
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!


5)
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.


6)
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.


i add on one more
7)
There are no lame jokes or people, jus lame jokers and listeners and thinkers


8)
You laugh because I'm different...........I laugh cause I just farted!


9)
Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.


10)
What you call dog with no legs?Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.


11)
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.


12)(this one is power)
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.


13)
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.


14)
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.


15)
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.


16)(this one is cool haha)
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.


17)
Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.
(in my sec sch there is really a guy who gave this excuse, the teacher is like stun for 3 sec la)


18)(this one is from george bush thats why is funny)
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. - George Bush


19)
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."


20)(this one is power ex-lax is sth make u shit and shit)
"You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough."


21)
"A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch."


22)
"I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids."


haha okok never ending de... haha shall stop for today...